Stumblin Santa

Stumblin Santa’s Rules and Regulations as modified from the New York Chapter of Santacon:

Santa’s Rules:

• Santa looks like Santa. HOLIDAY APPAREL IS MANDATORY. A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. Get creative: be a Secret Santa, a Santasaurus, Candy-cane, a Reindeer, a Chanukah Chicken, a goddamn latke, Stewardess Santa, Knight Rider Santa, Crusty Peace Punk Santa, the occasional Legless Reindeer, Chanukah Squirrel, Emo-Elf, or the Santichrist.
  Just don’t wear jeans.
• Santa acts like Santa. Be jolly. Belly-laugh. Let people sit on your lap. Give out gifts.
• Santa doesn’t seek media attention. “Ho-ho-ho” is good. “Publicity ho” is lame.
• Santa doesn’t get arrested. Please remember the FOUR FUCKS:
  1. Don’t fuck with kids.
  2. Don’t fuck with cops.
  3. Don’t fuck with security.
  4. Don’t fuck with Santa. (it’s okay to fuck a Santa)

Santa’s Guidelines:

IT’S A LONG NiGHT, SO BE PREPARED. Here’s some tips to keep your sleigh running.
• Eat something.
  Santa is responsible for his own feeding
• Stay hydrated & pace yourself.
  Try some water in between your milk and cookies.
• Bring a cash.  Santa doesn’t like waiting while hundreds of drunks attempt to use the machines.
• Santa is responsible for his own inebriation.
  Stumblin Santa is an unofficial pub crawl with no leadership. There will be bar stops, but they will be crowded. Santa does not advocate breaking open container laws! Santa’s just sayin’…
• Pay your own damn bar tab and tip bartenders well for putting up with Santa.
• Dress warm.
  Wear layers so you’ll be comfortable anywhere from the North Pole to the strippers’ pole.
• Stay with the group.
  Santa is not texting. Santa is not updating his location. If a Santa drunkenly wanders off or misses the 7:30pm start, he will have to know a friendly Santa to call and help them.
• Don’t be “that” Santa.
  Your friends want to have fun, not scrape the puke outta your beard or prevent your wasted ass from wandering into traffic.
• Santa does not make children cry (unless they whine, snivel, or otherwise deserve it).
  Really – If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. Feel free to  ignore the parents. Tourists fall somewhere in between the two — adjust depending on their attitude.